I got into the car and could not reach the petals.

      Tears streamed down my face as I adjusted it all.

           By the time my mirrors were all set,

I was hugging the steering wheel as if it was my only saving floatation device

                     and I was lost out to sea. 

                                          sleepy.eyes.may.2011

I swim across the emptiness of my sheets,

Searching,

For answers,

And for you.

I only reach the other side,

Breathless,

Empty handed,

And cold.

Memories cannot satisfy,

Tonight,

I am alone,

And lost.

sleepy.eyes.may.2011 

She sat on the park bench sheltered from the elements, her dominion laid out before her feet. Fur trimmed boots rested just below her knee, black leggings hugged her thin legs and the coat bundled her up in warmth. She was concerned about details as the fur on her boots matched her parka, fur haloing around her bowed head. The kids played in the deserted swings, eerily if not for the bright sun shining. Leaves of orange, deep burnt reds and rust blew around her figure, so still one might think she was a statue or asleep. The whole scene burned into my memory as I ran by. The lack of connection to the happy children or the stillness of a living creature on such a classical fall afternoon kept my mind active. I had to turn back around just to witness it again doubling the miles on my run. She waited for me as if time had not passed. Alone on the bench, leaves swirling around her bending to her silent will, hands incased between her legs for warmth, her pale face hidden from view. Her happy children still frolicking with giggles of bliss and me just the observer of the beautiful story of the woman eclipsed from view. 

sleepy.eyes.oct.2010. 

I sit here everyday and watch you. I flip through magazine articles, read my horoscope and scan the weather. Sitting here has become habitual, almost like how I ignore the “lucky numbers” given by the alignment of the stars or if it’s suppose to rain or shine. I am merely here because now at 8:33 you will walk by.

I often feel ghostly. The door to the coffee shop creaks if you push it, so I pull it, silently entering. The smell of fresh brewed beans is neither awakening nor stimulating so I stand in the lane of impatient addicts still lost in a foggy haze. I don’t order, just hand my card over; my drink stands ready on the bar. It didn’t take too long for this routine to form, these kids are smart. My Grande extra foam vanilla latte is simple enough though they can’t seem to remember how to spell my name.

Very rarely is my seat taken. It looks out over the quiet side of the street and is 4 feet too far from any power plug though snuggled in the corner. It’s comfort verses power and power wins again.

This is where I met you. Well you know, sorta met you. I noticed your bag first for merely selfish reasons for it seemed practical, worn and exactly what I was looking for. But before there was too much room for examination you turned and were gone. By lucky chance or maybe it was in my horoscope I ignored the day before, I saw you again at the same time a few days later. This is how we began.

You always show up prepared, while I curse the snow or the cold, or leave my umbrella at home. You’ve never walked with anyone, and your seemingly oversized feet seem to shuffle the sidewalk no heavier or lighter on any given day. Your hair is peppered with white signs of age and you favor your right leg. I’ve seen people walk by you as if you weren’t there, you graciously keep step and move over, never taking more than 14 seconds to come in to view and then disappear.

If I were to tell anyone why I showed up here at everyday to watch you for seconds cross in front of my window they would laugh. I will be the first to admit that our relationship is not “standard” and quiet equivocal even to me at times. I know I am lonely and its seems as you are too, and in all the hussle and bussle and “power driven” lives we have become the “ghosts”. Maybe I am hoping that me paying attention to you and taking note, will mean the 14 seconds of me acknowledging your existence, someone maybe will notice mine. Then maybe I will not be just the empty chair and you will not just be the faceless man reflecting off into the street.

sleepy.eyes.2010 

Tears well up and linger.

I am the wave with no beach to break upon.

I am here, all alone. 

sleepy.eyes.oct.2010. 

You ask me to open up, tell you all that eludes you,

Late at night when my shoulders slump with pains and burdens you can’t understand.

You hold trust out openly in your hands, 

But don’t understand why I don’t feed. 

Can’t you understand I have been here before,

Eyes as gentle as yours have tempted and promised,

Kisses have softened and begged,

Hands have smoothed and calmed,

But all those hands have left.

And all those kisses haunt me at night.

Those hands run shivers of silence down my back late at night when I lay next to you. 

Your steady breathing reminds me of the nights I cried,

And your arms wrapped around me feel as comforting as all those before you. 

You will leave me, I know. 

This is the rest stop before your destination,

The pause before your grand entrance.

These memories you will look back on one day, sitting at your desk,

Head of your company,  driving your fancy car,

And wonder where I am, and how I am doing, 

But your phone will ring and I will once again fade into nothing but the memories.

Sleepy Eyes -  

Cover me with the darkness. 

Let my bare feet touch the earth, 

Your lips whispering the beauty of silence in my ear. 

Take me away from here,

Even if only for tonight. 

Wrap your arms around me,

Dancing me around the field of our dreams.

Give me the freedom to run, 

The space to smile. 

Fight tomorrow off with me, 

Guide my hand through the constellations.

Watch me spin in circles like a child,

Just promise to catch me when I fall. 

Push the hair out of my face,

Be tender when I hand you my heart. 

Lead me through the night that tries to consume me,

Be the moon that has not risen. 

Sleepy Eyes - may 2010